I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
