if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
time to smoke my breakfast
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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