remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can I color on your dick again?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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