Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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