just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
