you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
