dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
