I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
