dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
