when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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