At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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