Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
