Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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