My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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