Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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