zippers are such a cool invention
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We had to coat check the pizza.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
