what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
