Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
