dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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