I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
