Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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