You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize