I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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