I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
