one might say we're banned from that church
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
