Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
