duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
