remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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