Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize