Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
