shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He better not be in your backpack
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
