i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I look better un-naked...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
