And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
FUCK WHALES
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
