i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
