i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
