so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
