i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
