Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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