I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
