genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
