im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
