Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize