Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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