I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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