it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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