Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
