I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
