I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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