Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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