Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
