i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
