he thought i was a dude.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
