Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
