If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
