i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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