Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
im on a boat
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