we're making bets on your personal life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
