My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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