just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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