Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
