Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
