He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
