I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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