Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
