So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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