I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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