Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
