you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
