All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
