forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize